11 Days of Fatherhood

I’m now an expert on Dad-ing after eleven days of keeping a kid alive (or really doing 5–10% of the work while my wife deals with labor and the aftermath, breastfeeding, etc.).

My favorite elements of fatherhood thus far:

• Staring at his little chubby face while he sleeps. I’ve always enjoyed watching my dog sleep — and felt a mixed blend of joy, pride, and security — but the feeling is 1000x stronger with a kid. I still succumb to paranoia and check a couple times an hour to make sure he’s still breathing…but other than that I find watching him snooze to be a peaceful pastime.
• Though I’m exhausted with a much shorter fuse than normal, I’ve been oddly fascinated and pleased by seeing the depths of my wife and my resilience on display. My wife went through an insanely long and precarious labor, yet after not sleeping for days we felt motivated, cheerful, and optimistic. And we are normally big sleepers — you’ll rarely catch either of us up past 10 PM on a weeknight! On the one hand, I’d kill for an 8–9 hour sleep window for just one night right now. On the other, I’ve been pleasantly surprised by my ability to fit in quick workouts, meditate, journal, do chores around the house, etc. without abandoning the needs of my wife and new kid. I have deeper reserves of discipline and grit than I knew.
• Growing respect for my wife: There’s no way (for a husband) to fully appreciate how difficult pregnancy is until you have a courtside side for the experience. Of course, even with my newfound empathy, there’s NO way I could fully understand the challenges. But, I at least have a clearer point of view on the immense pressure, fear, physical strain, mental challenges, and exhaustion that come with carrying a child. The labor and delivery fully drove this point home…growing and birthing a child is a marathon. I’m blown away by my wife’s mental toughness, and somehow I love and appreciate her even more than before.
• His many noises and facial expressions. Despite now being a “highly mature Dad”, I still laugh every time he farts. Or scrunches his face like an old man. Or makes weird noises like a sheep. He really is a one man variety show.
• Quiet. While he’s often making the aforementioned noises, or screaming because he’s hungry, or throwing a tantrum as I change his diaper, for a few hours a day there is absolute quiet. As a somewhat manic person who normally paces around frantically if there’s “nothing to do”, my son has made me appreciate the stillness when it comes. There is purity in not always being in a hurry, or not having somewhere to go. Sitting in peace with our new family is an incredible gift — and I’m soaking it up before the toddler mania comes!