An ‘ASS’ Out of ‘U +ME’

After visiting my in-laws in Florida a few weeks ago, my wife and I sat in the Fort Lauderdale airport sipping terrible coffee at 6 AM trying not to meltdown. As new parents (our kid had just passed the three month mark) we were at our wit’s end: lacking sleep and sanity. Though our kid had survived the flight out east, the flight back to the west coast was an hour longer. More time for meltdowns, screaming, and second-hand embarrassment.

At the gate, we were sitting opposite an older couple. They were whispering to each other and looking RIGHT at us. My spidey senses tingled: they were definitely talking about our baby and how annoyed they were that they were going to have to share a plane with an infant. I started rehearsing retorts in my head if they talked negatively to us. Like George Costanza on the Seinfeld “Jerk Store” episode, I rehearsed the perfect comebacks for any criticism or snide comment fired our way. I made sure to make myself angry and defensive in advance, just so I could be ready for these horrible people and their entitled remarks.

“That’s such a handsome baby, so sweet!”

“Sorry?” I clumsily responded, confused at how to channel all of my negative assumption energy back at these people.

“He’s a cute baby, congratulations.”

I paused. “Thanks!” I shouted awkwardly before a smile crossed my face.

I had spent all this time digging myself in an emotional hole. Because of the stress and anxiety I had about my own circumstances, my presumptuous thoughts completely missed the target.

As humans we spend so much time imagining future suffering. Waiting for the other shoe to drop right on our heads and kick us off the ledge. This moment was a good reminder to not make an “ass” out of “u+me” and sit in the present with my guard down. Not everyone is out to get you, and you might even catch a stray compliment once in a while.